In October 1992, I wanted a dog buddy and committed to going to the animal shelter until the 'right one' showed up, which I would recognize. I made that trip at least
2-3 days a week for the next almost five months. People who worked
there said they rarely saw little dogs; it seems the university
town was big on big dogs, or maybe they were more often
abandoned than the smaller ones. And if little dogs did
end up there, they almost never stayed more than a day, which is
why I went so frequently. Interestingly the place
was always busy, and dogs came and went, but not the one I was
looking for.
The last week in January, I was greeted by one of the volunteers who was absolutely determined the dog I needed to take home was a darling little
poodle she wanted badly to see get adopted. It was that little one's last day formally, although they kept the animals as long as they could. It was quite neurotic and missing half its hair, poor thing, and I knew it was going to take a lot of money I did not have to
give her the care she needed. I said no about 30 times, then left feeling, as you can imagine, very discouraged. I didn't go back for two weeks, the first weeks I had missed my routine.
February 12th, I talked myself into showing up again. And there amid a rage of large barking dogs, in the absolute middle of one cage, as far away from all sides as she could be, sat this magnificent furball of a scamp, shaking almost violently from fright. Instant 'recognition'! In fact she looked
surprisingly familiar, although I had never seen this dog, nor anything before or since quite like her. I suddenly remembered some
black-and-white ink drawings I did for a brochure years earlier of
clownishly cute baby birds with big, round beady eyes and expressions that looked strikingly like this
puppy!
Amazingly, that day was her last day, officially,
also!! She had shown up the day after I had last
been there two weeks earlier. How could something the
archetype of CUTE have been not chosen all this time, especially
since little dogs were so popular?? The story goes that
this one and a brown and white sibling showed up together.
The other puppy was gone within a day. But this one had a
growth about the size and look of a cherry pit in her eyelid,
and all people saw was this tiny and easily removed flaw
and not the incredible dog just behind the 'cherry
eye'.
The veterinarian's guess on her age was about
five months. The facts that I had started my search about
five months earlier and that she stayed put there until I got
her fully convinced me this was a match meant to be.
Tika has really lived up to being a valentine-day gift from heaven. Sweet, an irascible alpha puppy, a clownish delight who loved to tease and be teased, and she came with the added advantage of a steel bladder for all those long workdays I was away. 'T' was
a fantastic match for a vegetarian. I would never force an unnatural diet on any animal, so she ate pretty regular doggie stuff, though on the organic, barley/rice/turkey side much of the time. But it got to be funny, then fascinating to learn she loved raw fruits and veggies like pears and apples, broccoli, sweet potatoes, and all sorts of greens from romaine to
collards -- even the shakes I made every morning with
supergreens and lots of ginger! She had this personality-plus, and all the way till our last walk of about two brisk miles the day before she took the leap to the Other Side at 14 years old, people were drawn to her like magnets.
She was definitely showing
-- and feeling -- all the years of wear and tear, but every day of her life, except the very last one, she had a voracious appetite.
On that fateful day, and the only day in her life all the time
she was with me, 'T' suddenly totally refused any food and water and died peacefully in my arms about 6 a.m. the next morning.
I buried her out in the country. While trekking across some grass to get a shovel, I noticed a little dead bird
that I soon put in with her and was amazed to see just under the veneer of
earthy sparrow browns, it was mostly blends of black and white, not unlike
Tika, and too, not unlike the
comical ink drawings that had appeared to capture something of Tika's persona years before she was born.
This also reminded me that just under the opaque physical
appearance of seeming death, things were surprisingly different
than might be expected -- if one made assumptions based merely on what our
physical senses overwhelmingly suggest. Black and white,
night and day differences. More than a few times, I've
felt T's black and white exterior to be a metaphor to mirror
some hefty insights for me. And who can look at this truly
fun-funny 'your Cuteness' without a smile! So there was
always a cosmic chuckle just almost out of earshot with these
insights. Death was a bit tricky for getting to the
Smile. It took some time. But, really, who would
envision white, only knowing black, and vice versa?
.. For those who don't imagine Spirit has a sense of
humor! [Like, ... Surprise!! amid LOVE-filled
laughter. Death: "not here, present
elsewhere."]
These two incidents gave me the presentiment, almost like a
direct message, of this Gifting that had subtly come full-circle
in some strange way associating 'T' with birds, and birds for me
have always been a powerful dream symbol for Spirit. All
of this reminds me of a saying, "Kiss the joy as it
flies." I think of this little 'angel' that in her
own perfect way and timing came into my life, and just as
dramatically, when she felt the time was right, she was
gone.
'T' was with me longer than a number of my friends have stayed married.
She adored me and I her, and I miss her physical presence very much.
But I am grateful for her she is gone because her health had really gone precipitously downhill in her last year, and just knowing she was released from all that was a great relief.
Imagine, this mere 16 pounds of mostly fluff, and all-dawg
underneath that gorgeous look, was a major teacher for me,
having enriched my life with many insights about life and love and other people, including myself. We are all familiar with the fact that people who are not especially animal lovers sometimes do not understand why those who are can be just as distressed by the 'death' of their non-human family as by the passing of their human friends and family. We talk of the unconditional love our animal buddies lavish on us, with dogs especially so. But it occurred to me that people tend to mirror back the feelings and expressiveness of others, especially if they are positive. And so possibly even more easily than with most of our human familiars, we find it particularly
easy to give in kind a similarly unstinting love to our nonhuman
family members.
Indeed our pets have a splendid capacity to open our hearts that many of us people-types
could well envy. So when they suffer or their bodies die, they break open our hearts even wider. One of my teachers years ago said in essence only when our hearts are broken open and we walk in our
own heart's blood do we truly grow. What genius is harbored in the beings of many of our animal beloveds, who can often be some of our most profoundly affecting
teachers? Not to mention companions.
This darling, ever-enduring buddy has literally sat by me from
just before I thought to marry my ideas that eventually became
these two websites [1992] to just now [2007] as I am fully
prepared to take this project to the next level of its
development, launching it formally within a committed community
of partners and other support. If it wasn't for her daily
interventions and lively, fun-loving nudges encouraging me to be
more treats-aware and outdoor-focused, my body would have died
from unbroken 16-20-hour days of not moving from in front of the
computer! I owe her my continued life and also Life many
times over!
~~~~~~~~~
*
~~~~~~~~~
Tika,
dear one, you are a Best-of-Species love genius and an unmatched
Tease of a Clown! You gave me your all every day of your
life and always lightened my spirits, no matter what else was
going on. Thank you, from the depths of my heart to the
splendor of yours!
May your doggie bowl always be over-full with terrific food ,
including your favorite apples and broccoli and other
treats! And I hope there are pa-lenty of fun buddies to
play with, including cats and squirrels to chase across warm
expanses of LIGHT-drenched green fields that go on forever!
~~~~~~~~~
* ~~~~~~~~~
