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A Desperate
Personal Plea
to Gracious
Infinite Spirit /GraIS
Okay, it looks not a little melodramatic now or for anyone who
is not in such a space presently. But this is just where
I was at at the time, and most of us certainly will recognize
the feeling. I put this here to make the point that the
feeling was expressing a desperation that was not going to
accept anything short of what I was needing to keep me
going: HELP -- starting with A Sign to jumpstart
my faith in Spirit and in myself again.
It is worth paying attention to, that the quality and power of
our emotions and how we direct them, consciously and not, play
a key role in what and how we create our life
experiences. So here goes..
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Dear Gracious Infinite Spirit,
I totally surrender Everything to You and Your guidance / direction / intervention in my life.
Help me to knowingly TRUST You implicitly, and to TRUST myself as truly Spirit led in every aspect of my life!
I want to be and experience and exemplify a trust that leans into YOU like a child pouring hirself into the loving embrace of a parent or like a long-lost lover returned to hir Beloved!!!!!!!
I want to constantly experience the thrill of that loving, affectionate embrace, awarely, . . and to be able to love back for a change to counter all the grousing and doubting and just ‘stuff’ that has not reflected this loving and absolute trust.
Oh, and I want YOU to be able to trust me!
Meaning, in my ever-more Aware life as a spirit being in body, I become worthy of Your trust in me in the way I live my life, fulfilling my spirit-led commitments and responsibilities as the other ‘half’ of this co-creational and loving relationship.
I want to be the best and most I can be of who and what I am capable of as a spirit being and in this life and lifetime.
If the creation of these websites, www.ahh-TheLight.com and www.wHeretwoworldsTouch.com, is in any way counter to my highest good and the highest good for all concerned then direct me to exactly what is for my highest good and for the highest good of all concerned as a life work. I want to live my life so tuned in that I know that I know and daily experience myself an active blended partner with YOU, and YOU as an active blended partner with me in this truly wonderful life.
I want it to be exciting and great, great fun and full of wisdom-learning and full of abundance of all things good and full of LOVE! and full of being LOVE! in such a way that inspires and uplifts many others and makes them each and all [and me too!] more aware of YOU and Your Loving and very felt/real Presence constantly with and within us.
I want to be another bridge to their [and my] clear delight and awareness that what I can do and what comes through me, they can do and YOU can come through them as well, as co-creators with Spirit, as Spirit-led in all ways and all things.
I also ask for Your intervention that all my debts are paid back very rapidly, particularly to those who have been hurt by my lack of abundance and tuned-inness to YOU.
Especially RJ and BL and my brothers – and please specially and directly bless the lives of any and all who have given their help and support so generously to me, that they too may have great abundance of all things good in their lives, and that through the repayment and learning they also may know and enjoy all the things I ask here for myself!
Also that they may know for themselves in their own spiritual lives that the repayment is a direct intervention from YOU!
I want to come to the end of this life with the brilliant and fulfilling awareness that I CAN succeed at what I most desire [assuming that my true desires are absolutely Gifts from YOU] as a spirit being in body and as a co-creator with YOU, that I CAN consciously, experientially, knowingly live my life here as a blending presence with Spirit manifesting through me and with and within me.
Help me / show me the way to the greatest fulfillment possible in this lifetime as a consciously and spiritually aware co-creator with
YOU.
I want to be totally healed from the wounding and dark ways of thinking, feeling, willing and being that have caused me and others so much grief.
I want to live the remainder of this life in such a way that others feel the blessing force / flow of Your Beingness so very clearly that it only adds to their own learning and upliftment as Self-Aware spirit beings in bodies here.
As to the websites and to my life’s work now, I want and need and ask for and demand a SIGN today, as to exactly what I am to do now in order to fulfill this intent above.
If I am not to do these websites and fulfill their intent, then absolutely and even dramatically show me CLEARLY the way I am to go now as to my Life Work.
I want a SIGN that is so clear and obvious, even all my history of confusion and self doubt can no longer prevent me from this KNOWING.
I want to live fully what
Rilke and others seemed to know and live so beautifully – Your very real presence in my all-day, all-night life here, and that he expressed superbly in
these poems:
The hour is striking so close above me,
so clear and sharp,
that all my senses ring with it.
I feel it now: there’s a power in me
to grasp and give shape to my world.
I know that nothing has ever been real
without my beholding it.
All becoming has needed me.
My looking ripens things
and they come toward me,
to meet and be met.
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If only for once it were still.
If the not quite right and the why this
could be muted, and the neighbor’s laughter
and the static my senses [/little self] make –
if all of it didn’t keep me from coming awake –
Then in one vast thousandfold thought
I could think you up to where thinking ends.
I could possess you,
even for the brevity of a smile,
to offer you to all that lives,
in gladness.
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And like Rilke, I want to know and to be with and within YOU as my dearest Friend and Beloved, with a constantly thrilling and absolute TRUST and LOVE and BLENDEDNESS of being and purpose and intent.
Thank YOU for just everything that has been for my learning and nurturing.
Thank YOU for my very life! Thank YOU for all the great Grace that has been so richly apparent in my life, not only in this last year or few, but during all my life and lives.
I am ready to move forward into greater Knowing, Being, and Expression, especially through a passionate and joyous and truly helpful path of service for many that provides the greatest learning and inspiration and bridging toward greater Self/Spirit awareness and being, not only for me, but for many, many others, through YOU in and through this clearly co-creational life work.
GIVE ME A SIGN NOW, THIS DAY, as to whether it may be through my continued work on www.ahh-TheLight.com and/or www.wHeretwoworldsTouch.com – or through something else entirely, now.
Help me to TRUST enough to get past all my usual roadblocks to this direct experience of YOU, now, this very day!!!
I feel so pregnant with waiting: "… my branches rest in deep silence, stirred only by the wind."
[--Rilke]. Help me hear and know NOW.
THANK YOU, GRACIOUS INFINITE SPIRIT
!
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~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~
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I believe in all that has never yet been spoken.
I want to free what waits within me
so that what no one has dared to wish for
may for once spring clear without my contriving.
If this is arrogant, God, forgive me,
but this is what I need to say.
May what I do flow from me like a river,
no forcing and no holding back,
the way it is with children.
Then in these swelling and ebbing currents,
these deepening tides moving out, returning,
I will sing you as no one ever has,
streaming through widening channels
into the open sea.
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You,
God, who live next door –
If at times, through the long night, I trouble you
with my urgent knocking –
this is why: I hear you breathe so seldom.
I know you’re all alone in that room.
If you should be thirsty, there’s no one
to get you a glass of water.
I wait listening, always. Just give me a sign!
I’m right here.
As it happens, the wall between us
is very thin. Why couldn’t a cry
from one of us
break it down? It would crumble
easily,
it would barely make a sound.
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