In a previous after-'death' encounter with my father,
I mentioned his response to a question I once asked him:
What are your feelings about death and dying?
His response, "There's nothing to talk about," abruptly derailed any hopes
for a genuine conversation with him on this. Our family was no
different from the majority of others in the USA in the sense that
talking about this most important subject -- well, you just
didn't! Death and dying is by far the
ultimate taboo topic here, and probably in many other countries
as well. Bringing it out into the open could pave the way for
surely one of the most remarkable cultural shifts of all human
history. [There are indications this is exactly what is happening,
although in a very quiet way; the Mission
Statement describes this in depth. Also, if this interests you, here's
more about it, well down the page under the subheading, "A Recapitulation from Higher Ground."]
Dad never expressed interest in my passion for studying spiritually
transformative experiences, much less death and dying, which to me is
better expressed as the birthing process into a life-changing enhanced
awareness of the "larger-life
reality." He never openly judged me for this, either, to his
credit. But this was one more place where we were 'worlds apart'
from one another.
Especially since studying these for the last many years, I've come to
believe, through the 'life review' and continuing to work through our 'stuff'
on the Other Side, we do come to greater awareness and understanding of
our lives, as well as our relationships with others. For example,
one characteristic people frequently describe who have undergone a life review --
such as the classic description of one's life passing
before hir eyes -- is their
reliving it from the point of view of all who were affected by their
thoughts, feelings, and behavior. It may have been the case that
my father was able to say empathetically to me in a previous after-'death'
encounter, "I understand," because he had already moved through some sort of life review process.
Whatever the case may have been, I felt a significant shift in our
relationship after that, as if he now lived from this greater awareness, as well as from the standpoint that life and its
priorities must look entirely different from the Otherwhere. I
must say, however, for the eyes that must see and the ears that must
hear, the real work has been to let go my own habits of feeling and
thought about our relationship. That didn't just go away because I
experienced that shift from his side, although it facilitated much
healing of the life-long rift between us. It's like psychotherapy
-- I still have to work on my issues as we continue to move through and
reinvent our relationship without that wounding past. So I am
still in process with this and am responsible for my part in this
shift! [Here is more about that process of continued healing and
wholeness-making, whether we are talking about incarnates or excarnates
..]
The work I must do continues, but I
can't help but feel for both of us, the lifelong wall between us has
largely melted away. There has been a clearly positive 'change in
the air', so-to-speak, between us ever since. How do I know
this? I don't "know" how; it's something that is part of
the feeling I experience every time he comes to mind, which is
frequently with lapses of some spans of time now and then, as if he has
gone away for a while, pursuing other interests, then returning to
continue 'our work' together.
Especially since this processing with and about my father, I have
learned to let go of so much stuff that comes up with all the mostly
petty, everyday-type misunderstandings and so forth that are just part
of life here. Because when we pass beyond this Earth we will
without doubt come to understand all such things in the natural course
of our continued growth in the greater life. Now, when such things
happen, more often than not, I find myself reflecting, one day beyond
the by-and-by, they [and I] will understand.
With all that in mind, here is the dream:
C [my brother] and somebody else were tracking down something
about my computer and fixed it. Dad was present too!
We were in one room, devoid of anything but this computer and
the desk it sat on, and there was an adjacent room with a rich Windows-blue cast to its lighting, also a computer sitting on a
desk, and a doorway between the
two without a door.
They followed the wires into this other room and came
back and said it was fixed. C had some piece of all this
in his hands that could sit on the floor and he put it down
beside me with a bit of a bang -- he just didn't set it down
carefully, and I said, 'Hey, don't bang up my computer!'
[From outside the dream I can't imagine why, but] I
was embarrassed for all the mess -- lots of wires on the floor
running everywhere.
Dad said, "From now on, I'll do whatever I can to help
you."
I was really touched, almost to tears in the
dream. I put my arms around his neck and gave him a real
hug ... like we could never do in real life, and he hugged me
back with genuine affection and love. I told him how much I
appreciated this. We all relaxed and just visited a few
minutes. I felt a sense of warm, caring mutual regard, an
astounding release from the past. In the dream I felt so
moved and, even released! Like a whole new relationship
with Dad opened up. And his genuinely loving support!
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I woke thrilled with the reality of this dream, instantly
fully awake, holding my breath, feeling into sensing if he was
still present. Not in any strong way, but I did
feel clearly that a door had opened between us that would
continue to influence my life. He dressed and looked happy, looking to
be many years younger.
This is one of the most treasured moments of my life! It has
taught me and continues to teach me we can alter the most difficult of
circumstances and relationships if we are willing to be open. I
had wanted this very much all my life +and had continued to work within on my
feelings about this relationship after he passed, trying to forgive and
let go the pain, which is not 'an event' in my experience but a process
like peeling the proverbial onion skin. Each time old 'stuff'
would come up, I would continue trying to work with it. But this
dream and the previous experience just days after his passing have been
Dad meeting me literally more than halfway with this, for which I am
deeply grateful and which says so much about his own change of heart and
soul growth.
Each time I come back to reflect on these gifts
of great love, I am freed that much more, and I know this furthers his
own journey as well; the love and forgiveness lifts his spirit. It has been more than three years since his
passage and, though the 'onion skins' still get peeled away from time to
time, I feel greatly healed from all that. This was
definitely not 'instant' for me and still took steady work on my part to
keep letting go as old memories and feelings would surface. Still
does sometimes.
In the
meantime, my experience of my father is that of a deep serenity and
accomplishment and contentment, even joy; the joy has grown over time. This continues along its
own trajectory. It's thrilling to know he is himself healing
and becoming more and more whole and at one with his natural Self.
Most recently this has increased to the sense of his being even radiantly aglow with the healing and light-filled
life he now enjoys, basking in the reality of the eternal perspective
from which he now consciously lives.
Like the waxing and waning of the moon, I feel his energy to be present
more sometimes than others and that my loving thoughts do feed him and
draw him closer in some way, as if we are learning how to relate across
the bridge that is developing between us. Whenever my thoughts
have gotten mired in memories and my own stuck places, re: our
earth-side relationship, this energetic would change, feeling very
uncomfortable, and I felt like I was beating up on him, a red flag from
me to me to keep struggling for the letting go of all that and for the
healing. Each time this happened so did the felt dynamic between
us shift to reflect this effort. Under these negative conditions,
I either felt the pain I caused him or felt him withdraw.
This brings us to a most important
point: we can and ultimately will learn to be compelled to, and in
fact we must continue relating
to, the so-called dead from this side, Whether we are conscious of it or
not. As so many people are
learning from their spiritual experiences of whatever kind, relationship
does not end with the death of one's physical body. That is not to say it
necessarily stays the same either, as you can see from this example.
Each side of the seeming Great Divide potentially benefits and derives
benefits from the other side from where they are/we are. A hint
about the 'food' and nurturance we may provide has to do with
thought/feeling. The quality and intention of our endless thoughts
and feelings can be rich and nourishing or be devoid of value and even
impossible to ingest or poisonous. Rudolf
Steiner [see Staying Connected:
How to Continue Your Relationships with Those Who Have Died],
who lived with a simultaneous consciousness of 'both worlds', devoted his
life in part to teaching what he was learning firsthand about our
relating to 'the dead' and vice versa.
David Spangler speaks of the most
fundamental quality of our existence being relational. Separated
out into all these I's, the crux of our eternal journey back into
oneness or through the eternal rhythms of Unity and I-ness over and
over, there and here, particles and waves, is the eternally adventurous challenge
of all being and existence.
As we become conscious of the significance of this even across the
ultimate divide we experience as the death of our body suits, we come to
realize there is no death, that the 'I' that is we does not die!
That is the incredible evolutionary awareness to which humanity is now
coming as a whole. This is not about belief or philosophy; it's about one's
direct experience; either you get this or you don't. Fortunately,
we all inevitably come to this sooner or later. There is great,
great power and freedom in making this knowledge one's own while in this
life, however. Imagine living from this knowing in the everyday
world here!
I love the way this is expressed in the very first few lines of the Gospel
of Thomas [see Stevan Davies,
translator], a kind of primitive 'grocery list' of the sayings
attributed to 'the living Jesus' that was written sometime in the first
century, A.D.:
1And
he said: "Whoever finds the
correct interpretation of these sayings will never die."
2Jesus said:
"The seeker should not stop until he finds.
When he does find, he will be disturbed.
After having been disturbed, he will be astonished.
Then he will reign over everything.”
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It feels to me my father is somewhere between 'astonished' and 'reign[ing]
over everything'. This is the
leg of the Great Journey we are all moving into!
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